i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
