Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
