so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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