Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
