Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
