i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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