Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Randomize
