there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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