We won't sleep together?
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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