i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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