The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I wish there were birth control emojis
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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