He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
My balls are so social today.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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