he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
