I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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