how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize