This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
