How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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