Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
