he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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