I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
We're too hungover to prance.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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