I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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