me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
