Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
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