Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
