If i come over, it means nothing
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
