I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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