My friends, they love my intelligence
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
