you win again, gameday.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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