Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
