Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
