I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
