New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
