We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
