oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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