I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
