My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize