all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
