I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
