she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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