I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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