and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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