shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
