Swine flu is the new snow day.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
