I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
