You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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