There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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