i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
