hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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