her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
