I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Randomize
