Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
