i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
