You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
