Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
