I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Randomize
