Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
