i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
