I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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