the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
