My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
