So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize