So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
