cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
