I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
my poor anus
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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