I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Farmville is her only friend.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
