My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
