look no pants
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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