I wannas sexs uuuuu
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
