Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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