So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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