Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
