I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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