It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
