I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i don't like sucking hair
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
