Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
