And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Drake has all the answers
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
