You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
it was like having sex with a tree stump
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
