just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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