dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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