K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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