oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
