you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
