Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
