Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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