and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
